Part 72: Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2017-2018
Appendix: The Year in Football/Futbol/Fußball/Calcio/Soccer, 2017-2018May 31, 2018
Who's up? Who's down? Did anyone even come close to Barca or Real Madrid in La Liga, or Bayern Munich in the Bundesliga? I can answer those questions!
With Chesterfield joining us in League Two there's at least one team we should be able to manhandle in the Championship. We may or may not be better than Sunderland, they're quite rich despite their two years in League One. It really shows the relative equality in talent between Leagues One and Two that not a single team promoted last year was relegated back to League Two.
Oh, and congratulations on a midtable finish, Tackleford. /chortle.
Aston Villa goes right back up, unsurprisingly. Crystal Palace also goes back up. In real life Crystal Palace are somewhat famous recently for getting promoted repeatedly but never lasting more than a single season in the Premier League. As it stands right now in real life they're three points from the drop, so this might be the time where they get to enjoy more than a Premier League cameo. The Canaries are the third team to go up, so they don't have to play against their former feeder team that they never lent players to. Sheffield Wednesday, Leicester, and Charleton all drop, meaning that if we somehow managed back to back to back promotions we'd never have a chance of seeing them in league play. More likely is the scenario where we'll spend two years in the Championship and one of them will win promotion from League One next year. At least Sheffield United will be around, so I can talk about them and Wednesday.
The Mancunian megabastards battled each other all the way down to the wire for the title, with City beating out United on the very last day of the season. Meanwhile Swansea is playing in the Champion's League, and Liverpool is pathetic. Nottingham Forest, Queens Park Rangers, and Brentford will all be our opponents in the Championship next year.
Barcelona got tired of losing the title, I see. Shaun Davies, that Welsh maestro, had the fourth best average rating in La Liga, but no one could touch the incomparable Argentinian, Joaquin Morales. On the other end of the table Mallorca is relegated for the third time in six years, and Levante ends their seven year run in the top flight.
Juventus wins, again. Fiorentina was the only club to come close. At least Roma topped those Lazio fascists. Will there be any surprises this year, or will the megabastards win a clean sweep?
Mein Gott im himmel! FC Bayern is down! FC Bayern is down! They don't even qualify for the Champion's League next year! Meanwhile it's Dortmund who takes the title. Frankfurt avoids relegation by the skin of their teeth, winning the relegation playoff by a 2-1 aggregate score.
Le France is boring as always, with no one challenging PSG for the title. It pleases me that they always crap out in the Champion's League, without winning there no one will take PSG seriously as a great club regardless of how many league titles they pile up.
Benfica snatches the title from Sporting on the very last day in Portugal. Meanwhile, Academica got a huge cash infusion last year, but has somehow already spent it and gotten nothing for it. I'm wondering if the owner just gave it all to himself as a dividend, which if so is really too bad. Next time ask for a sheik to take over the club, Camoes.
Ajax and PSV finished atop the table in the Eredivise, the two have combined to win seven of the last eight league titles. We get to take a trip to Holland to see how tough they really are in a little over a month. I wouldn't put money on us.
Celtic maintain their death lock on the Scottish Premier League, while Rangers are most of the way back to where they used to be. Trouncing the league and getting to the knockout stage of the Champion's League is about the best Celtic can hope for, given how underpowered they are in comparison to their continental competition. Also, up the Thistle! I have some friends who would be gleeful about Partick Thistle's run of success these past few years, even knowing it only occurred in a video game.
Barcelona was knocked out of the Champion's League in the group stage, it appears. No wonder they had a chip on their shoulder about winning La Liga. Arsenal takes home the best trophy any supporter of a North London team can realistically hope for.
What I said about PSG and Celtic? Forget it. I never said it. I don't care if you scroll up and it's still there. PSG beats Celtic to win the Champion's League. That's something you'll only witness in Football Manager. What's really crazy is that virtually none of the perennial powers even made it to the quarterfinals. No Spanish teams, no Italian teams, only one English team and the two German teams were knocked out in the quarterfinals. That's crazytown, and made me check to see if I was accidentally looking at the Europa League.
Across the ocean Club America had a rough season. I didn't notice, but they haven't won a title since 2013. The denizens of the Azteca must be pretty feisty at this point, they can be awful at the best of times.
Meanwhile the Chicago Fire are unbeaten in MLS. Thanks to the “Americanized” nature of MLS the winner could be any one of the eight teems that make the playoffs, right now only Columbus looks like they've got no prayer of making it. I'm a bit disappointed that MLS hasn't added Beckham's Miami franchise, but I guess adding franchises might be difficult for the game mid-stream.
The season's just begun in Brazil, where Palmeiras seek their third title in four years.
Over in Argentina the season has ended, with Velez and Boca Juniors facing off in a final won by Velez on penalty kicks.
Lastly, in the Copa Libertadores, South America's equivalent to the Champion's League, they're approaching the semi-finals and it's an all Brazilian affair.
And in the next update, the 2018 World Cup in Russia! This game is very realistic. Just like in real life FIFA doesn't care one whit if Russia is invading their neighbors so long as the bribes get paid on time.